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Donation wars and a case of mistaken orientation

August 18, 2011

No one is ever as original as she’d like to be. In my case, this concept holds true. I’ve been reading through The Science of Kissing, and I came across a fact that immediately caught my attention: “In 2003, Joni Rimm paid $50,000 for the most expensive kiss ever sold at auction. She earned the privilege of kissing actress Sharon Stone at an AIDS charity event.”

No, I was not deterred when I read this. Actually, I was thrilled. It can be done! Okay, so I’m not Sharon Stone, and no one’s paying $50,000 to kiss me. But! But, the concept has value and precedence.

Besides, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I’m considering changing my plan from an auction to something else. How about a donation war instead of an auction? My phrase donation war (subject to change) roughly refers to the idea that I could set up a list of guys for you to vote for with a donation to charity. The guy who wins the highest donation total would be the chosen kisser. Or it could be set up as a punishment: Whoever receives the least amount of money for charity has to kiss me. (Just kidding! Well, maybe.)

I’m really looking for your opinions on this. I might not find them, but I’m sure looking.

* * *

Here’s another kiss story, though this time it’s not a first kiss story. I decided I needed to branch out. Although I’m especially interested in first kiss stories, I’d be foolish to pass up a story like this:

So I was at my friend’s wedding as a groomsman. The entire night I was the life of the party, making jokes, charming the parents of the bride and groom, leading impromptu sing alongs, and generally being a one man Table 9 (THAT table).

So as I made my rounds early that evening, I ended up talking to the cake baker, who was also a great friend of the bride. I asked her what cake we were having, and she replied with fancy ingredients that included the words ganache and white chocolate, and I was instantly smitten. She also told me that there were cupcakes accompanying the wedding cake that included peanut butter and chocolate, raspberry blueberry, and red velvet, and that only made her more attractive to me. So jokingly I told her with my most serious look, “don’t get this the wrong way, but I totally want to run away to Vegas with you and get hitched right now.” She laughed, I laughed, and we seemed to hit it off. In response, she jokingly said “lets go!” and at that point the Groom walked by, and I turned to him and said, “look, I got a new fiancé!” For the rest of the night, I was flirting with her, we were arm in arm, and to anyone who was watching, we appeared to either be a couple or two people hitting it off.

As it got later and as more alcohol flowed through everyone’s veins, we started exchanging kisses and dancing. In my mind, I was thinking “good lord, this never happens, this is awesome!” But at some point at the end of the night, she started withdrawing. Did I say something wrong? Was she sobering up, and this was all completely alcohol fueled? What changed? As the reception wrapped up and everyone started saying their goodbyes, I asked for her number, but she said I could get it from the bride instead, so she didn’t even give me her number. I was confused. A week later, I was talking to one of my friends about how great the wedding was, and she told me that the cake girl thought I was gay. I was like whaaat? But we were kissing, and I was flirting! For the next month or so, I attempted to wrap my brain around this concept and still don’t understand it. Apparently being a charming life of the party flirt who kisses women somehow equates to being gay to some people.

In any case, I did try to call her up to ask her to coffee the next week; never did get a response. C’est la vie.

~Jimmy

Note to all guys: Making women feel safe with you is generally a good thing. Making women feel this safe is usually not the goal. Well, this doesn’t mean she didn’t enjoy the kisses, though. It just means she was horribly mortified to find out she’d been kissing a straight guy all along.

Shout outs:
gRegor: Thanks for the recommendation! I enjoyed (500) Days of Summer. It reminded me of a guy’s version of Amélie, which is one of my favorites.
Jimmy (yes, the same Jimmy from the story): Next up, Cinema Paradiso is on my movie watching list.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. August 18, 2011 5:42 am

    Glad you liked the movie. Amelie is great, too.

    As for the story, dang. I must say, like Jimmy, the idea of a lady flirting and kissing just because she thinks the guy is gay . . . makes no sense at all. It actually sounds a little convenient (e.g. an excuse), but who knows.

    • August 18, 2011 12:08 pm

      At first glance, it might not make sense, but it does with a little examination.

      Everybody makes snap judgments about other people. In this case, cake lady made a very wrong snap judgment. She pigeonholed Jimmy into a “safe, harmless, and very fun” category. She was playing a game while hanging out with Jimmy and kissing him, one that she thought had no significance. Then she found out it did have significance, and it probably felt like a bucket of cold water to realize the game wasn’t a game.

      The devilish part of me wishes I could have seen the moment someone told her he’s straight. Jimmy described what happened to me when he first told me the story: She was telling people “That’s my gay husband” as part of the game (though she must have been saying that when he wasn’t nearby). She told somebody who knew Jimmy, and that person put her, well, straight.

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