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Smart phones getting frisky

September 13, 2011

This morning, I read an article entitled ‘Emotional’ phones simulate hand holding, breathing, and kissing. If just reading just that article title didn’t freak you out, read it again. If it still didn’t send a shudder of revulsion down your spine, please remain at least 20 feet away from me at all times.

Here’s an excerpt from the article:

The most alarming (and creepy) prototype is the kissing simulator, which involves a moisture sensor on the smoocher’s phone and a motorized “wet sponge pushing against a membrane” on the receiver’s phone, according to Fabian Hemmert, the designer.

Wait, what if the receiver’s phone goes off for a kiss accidentally while listening to a conversation?

Bob: …and my grandma’s very concerned about her hernia surgery tomorrow.
Jim: Damn that feels good.
Bob: Huh?
Jim: Nothing.

You know, theoretically, humans wouldn’t even have to be involved. You could just set up two phones to kiss each other. Brilliant!

The article writer was as weirded out as I am but still didn’t quite call it like it is. One of the guys who left a comment did, and so will I: This isn’t an “emotional” phone. This is somebody’s idea for creating the ultimate phone sex phone, but it’s being marketed as the “emotional” phone, wink wink, nudge nudge.

Don’t look at me like that. You were thinking it too.

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