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KC Announcement: Now serving Humble Pie

January 2, 2012

I hope this is the hardest post I ever have to write as a blogger. If it is, I’ll never have to feel like the scuzzy gunk on the bottom of a shoe again.

If you’re still reading this blog, HI! And wow, you really stuck with me. I almost completely skipped December in terms of posting, and I was just as bad (or worse) about communicating. The truth is that I haven’t been able to face blogging because I feel like a sham, a fraud. (No, don’t jump to conclusions. It’s not about the lack of the first kiss.)

I’d been trying my damnedest to keep the blog upbeat, positive. The reality is that the project for the donation war has foundered…more than once, in fact. It’s been in bad shape for a long time now. Emotionally, I followed right along and foundered with it. I’ve been a wreck, and this past month I’ve been struggling to reach the point where I could finally accept a lot of hard, undesirable truths. I couldn’t write this post until I reached that point.

The Loathsome List of Pain-in-the-Ass Truths:

Truth 1: Multiple decisions, foundational decisions, that I made at the start of the project have turned out to be mistakes, and those mistakes have crippled me. I rushed, failed to think things through, and blundered. I started this project with a partner, a friend of mine, who had a skill set very different from my own. We agreed to tackle the project together, each of us using our skills to complete it (my skills in writing and communication, hers in web media and design). Back in September, my partner informed me of her decision to quit the project. She stopped working on it about a month prior to that.
I forged ahead with the intention of either filling the gaps myself or finding a new partner. I’ve been unsuccessful.
Truth 2: I let other people sway me. People have loved this Kiss Chronicles idea. So many have encouraged me to think bigger and bigger, and that’s what I did. The project grew far beyond the little idea it was at the beginning. It grew into something I didn’t intend, but I fell in love with it even as it expanded like kudzu. However, the truth is it’s grown into something that I lack the means and skills to fulfill.
Truth 3: I’m not as strong as I wish I were.
Truth 4: For my well being, I need this project to be something that I can accomplish independently, with my skill set.
Truth 5: The result of Truth 4 is that I’ve failed to deliver on what I said I was going to do.

To all the people I’ve told about this project, to the people who have supported me for so long, I very sincerely beg your pardon.

I am, in a word, humbled.

Throughout December, I stared dismally at the option of starting at Square 1 again, but I’ve had enough. I need to take a new path. I need this project to make sense, to be something that’s within my power. The biggest sticking point in the decision was that this new path still has to be about charity. I said that I was going to benefit a charity, and it’s a point of honor that I’m not going to give up on that goal.

What I’ve decided is that the book I began writing back in November, which I intended to keep very brief and use as a promotional material for the project, will become the project itself. I’ll slow down, flesh it out fully, make it fantastic, and then publish it as an ebook received in exchange for a donation to the charity (tba).

Where does this leave the blog? Now that I’ve finally faced those damned truths, the blog will resume. I won’t feel like I’m covering anything up whenever I post from now on. If I have one New Year’s resolution, it’s to be a more open, honest blogger, and to blog for myself, because it pleases me to write and post.

Where does this leave my first kiss? …screw it. Not having my first kiss can be just another one of those quirky things about me. I’m odd. That’s my lot in life.

TL;DR: The project to hold the donation war in order to raise money for charity and to determine who will give me my first kiss is on hold indefinitely. I deeply apologize to all. From here on, the book is my focus and will be how I raise money for charity.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. Mary Phillips permalink
    January 3, 2012 5:35 am

    🙂 – I love you Virginia – I love things about you too: your inability to be untruthful to yourself for long, your inability to be unfaithful to yourself for long, your willingness to admit it when you perceive you’ve been in err, the way you claim your weirdness (I’ve discovered the simple freedom of that too 🙂 – it’s cool)…and more…just keep being who you are dear ❤ Aunt Mary

    • January 5, 2012 1:28 am

      I love you, too, Mary, and thank you for all of that. I’m so glad you’ve been following along on KC since the very start. I can definitely keep up the work and find my way with family like you to back me up. ❤

  2. elainey permalink
    January 3, 2012 7:06 am

    I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog, and I’ve been waiting for a new post for a while. I’m sorry the kiss project didn’t work out as expected, but your determination for even giving the idea a go was incredible. Sometimes things don’t come out as expected, but I’m looking forward to reading your book. I know I’m just a stranger who randomly found your blog through Google while trying to make sense of my own unexpected first kiss, but your whole kiss project has helped me do some contemplation, and for that, I thank you. Good luck with your book and I look forward for other great things to come! 🙂

    • January 5, 2012 1:35 am

      See? SEE? That’s just awesome. I felt like a deflated tire, and you’ve just pumped me back up again. The path I’m walking on now can still be great, and I can still make it entertaining and fun for lovely folks like you. MUST WRITE!

      It sounds like you had something confusing happen, and that’s what lead you here to Kiss Chronicles. If you ever want to talk about it, even if you don’t want to share it on the blog, I’d love to hear about it or just listen. (I’ve had several people tell me their kiss stories without getting their permission to post them on the blog, and I feel honored that they share with me regardless.)

      Thank you so much, elainey!

  3. Eric Weeden permalink
    January 3, 2012 7:07 pm

    It’s okay hun! I’ve been trying my best to follow along, and have failed more often than not, but I finally got all caught back up. I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you had intended, and it really kinda’ sucks. But hey,… at least you have regained sight of what’s most important, the charity benefit! (I could offer a couple ideas on charity organizations, but I’m kinda’ biased toward veterans, considering lol).

    Oh, and as far as being odd,… isn’t that part of why we all love you?

    • January 5, 2012 1:40 am

      AZ!! ❤ How's the weather? Are you dreaming of the arctic circle yet?

      Oh no, I completely understand. I have massive catching up to do with some of my friends' blogs. Thanks for taking the time to catch up. ❤

      And regarding the specific charity, I'm still keeping it cancer-focused. I have a specific charity in mind, and I'll apply there when I have a full first draft of the book and can narrow in on when I'll finish. I can talk with you more about that sometime soon. 😀

      Love you, too, and stay safe!

  4. January 7, 2012 10:39 pm

    It’s hard to take stock and make a decision based on where you are rather than where you were “suppposed to” be. Bravo. Can’t wait to read the book.

  5. February 13, 2013 3:30 pm

    Well. I just found your blog today. I love your ideas, both the initial one and the revised one. How wonderful of you to take on something so big and then to change it up but still keep going when it didn’t work out the way you wanted. This is a very fun blog, and I’ll definitely be back to read more!

    • February 14, 2013 11:22 am

      Amy, you have fantastic timing — I’ll be releasing the Kiss Chronicles book in the very near future. I’m so glad you stopped by, and I’m even happier that you’re enjoying the blog. 🙂 And, although I’m nervous about releasing it, I hope you’ll enjoy the book, too!

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